"Beware of Fire, Theft, and Best Friends"? Who's Stigmatizing Female Friendships Again?

Introduction

“After Sun Yingsha and Ni Xialian's match, the two athletes hugged tightly; Fu Yuanhui cheered for Ye Shiwen's return to the Olympic arena; Quan Hongchan kissed the camera after seeing a video filmed by Guo Jingjing.”

The Paris Olympics this year have given us a glimpse of the deep connections, legacy, and resonance among female athletes globally, showcasing a captivating narrative of female camaraderie.

1. Interpreting Female Friendship through the Olympic Lens

The theme of this year's Olympics, particularly emphasized during the opening ceremony, was "la sororité"—female friendship.

"Liberty (Liberté), Equality (Égalité), Fraternity (Fraternité)"—these three words encapsulate the French spirit, which has persisted since the French Revolution in the 18th century. In French, the root of "fraternité" is "fratern," meaning brotherhood. This word, when translated into Chinese, directly reflects brotherly bonds. It's evident that "fraternity" in French has long been intertwined with male imagery, subtly implying that history in France has been dominated and written by men, while the collective contributions of women have been deliberately overlooked.

However, this is not the whole truth.

Thus, in the opening ceremony of the Paris Olympics, the segment on "sororité" (sisterhood) was placed immediately after "fraternité" (brotherhood), signaling a crucial fact: women have always played a role in shaping the values of "liberty, equality, and fraternity" throughout human history.

Correspondingly, this year's Olympics featured many remarkable female figures, with their friendships shining brightly. Whether it was Xiaoqiu and Nemours embracing, He Bingjiao paying tribute to Marin, or Araujo helping the injured Kassoma off the field, these women, though rivals and even adversaries on the field, shared a deep admiration and respect for one another. Their relationships, while competitive, were also sisterly; they recognized each other's talents, understood their emotions, cared about each other's fates, and sincerely hoped for each other's success. Even if they hadn't known each other before, the bonds formed in these moments were both secretive and strong.

"Female friendship is an underestimated black hole in the universe."

2. "Beware of Fire, Theft, and Best Friends"?

It's true that female friendships are often seen as complex, wrapped in layers of jealousy, possessiveness, and other complicated emotions. This has led to the stereotype of female friendships being "plastic"—like the superficial bond seen in groups of women who appear united but are actually driven by conflicting interests and envy. Hence, the phrase "Beware of fire, theft, and best friends" seems to be a justified precaution.

However, female friendships are far more complex and cannot be simply viewed or explained through binary perspectives, nor can they be easily judged as right or wrong.

Jealousy is a natural human emotion, regardless of gender. When someone else has something you lack but desire, it can trigger a complicated sense of unease. This feeling of discontent and imbalance, stemming from the gap between your ideal self and reality, is a projection of the inner cry, "I'm not inferior either!" This projection gradually fuels our competitive spirit. Ultimately, the arousal of this competitive drive often leads to conflicts of interest and the breakdown of close relationships or friendships.

Thus, if jealousy is inherent in everyone, then logically, we should be cautious of everyone we interact with. To single out "best friends" without acknowledging the universality of jealousy is, in fact, stigmatizing female friendships. Instead of saying "Beware of fire, theft, and best friends," it would be better to guide people to focus on addressing the darker aspects of close relationships. For example, by establishing a self-consistent evaluation system, reducing psychological disparities, focusing more on oneself, and bringing jealousy into the light rather than allowing it to fester in darkness.

Female friendships are like alloys, composed of various intertwined positive and negative emotions. The complex feelings between women take on different forms in different stories: friendship, love, or other undefined and indefinable emotions. Female friendships may be mixed with love, admiration, jealousy, and sometimes even hate and regret, and can also reflect one's inner self. These emotions within friendships are often overlooked or simplified, but it is precisely this complexity and subtlety that make female friendships so beautiful and precious.

3. Rebuilding Female Bonds

Professor Dai Jinhua once said, "In mainstream society's perception, women have no real friendships. Women’s friendships exist only during girlhood, then they are ended by the intervention and arrival of men."

This statement is both amusing and frustratingly accurate. It suggests that when women gather, they are assumed to only talk about trivial matters, gossip, and mundane daily issues. But every woman knows that this is not what true female friendship is about. To break this stereotype, women must take the initiative to rebuild female bonds. This means stopping the objectification of themselves, ceasing to prove they are "loved" or "envied by others," and transforming jealousy back into its original form: admiration. It means eliminating "female rivalry." Female bonds are like intertwined vines, growing together, sometimes in opposition, but always deeply engraving each other into their lives. Women may sometimes be suspicious of each other, but more often, they remind, support, and push each other forward, drawing strength from one another.

In a lecture titled "History and Me: Women and the World in Elena Ferrante’s Writing," the speaker said: "I started reading with a work-related attitude, but was quickly captivated. What grabbed me was the portrayal of 'friendship' between two women, a friendship that was significant, immense, and impure. By 'impure,' I mean the constant jealousy, scrutiny, unease, anxiety, and inability to help oneself. At times, one might wish the other dead, to no longer be a comparison, but then, what would I do without you? That complex layer of emotions, every event, feeling, encounter, and conflict, is so richly layered."

Edited by: Xiaosen, P-chan

Translated from Chinese, first posted on our Official Account: https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/Iu2xRbi3SR7yt7XT7_cXWg